I just try to love myself

Friday, March 15, 1996

Daffodil buds were showing this morning; I'll have daffodils on my desk next week. I love them, but they don't last long. I hope to get out in the yard this weekend and do some work cleaning up the dead stuff from last year. Luckily, most of my garden is planted with bulbs and herbs that come up year after year with no help from me.

We had pizza delivered for dinner--vegetarian for me, anchovy and mushroom for Bob. They also brought a dessert pizza that I didn't order. Bob has given up sweets for Lent, and he's being sorely tempted. He won't give in, though; he has much more strength of will than I.

Micki once called me hedonistic; I had to look it up in the dictionary:

hedonism:
the doctrine that pleasure or happiness is the sole or chief good in life

She didn't mean it as an insult, although I suppose it sounds like one. I certainly don't believe that I gain my happiness or satisfaction at the expense of anyone else, but I admit that I don't deny myself much. I do what has to be done--I work, I shop, I take care of the house--but I also take the time I need for myself. If I don't, I know I won't have the energy to give to the other people who depend on me.

I know I'm explaining this badly; I'm know I'm not selfless, but I'm not totally self-involved, either. I guess I just try to love myself and take care of myself the best way I can. I can't depend on anyone else to do that. And if happiness isn't the chief good in life, what is? It's not everything, but if you're not happy, what's the point? If that's hedonistic, so be it.

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